I haven't written in a while. Most recently, it was exuberance that gave me the drive to write. It's more laborious now, trying to linearize thoughts that in their natural form are experienced more as a torrent than a sequence.

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For most of my life, I've battled a void. The knowledge that I am small and my actions have near-zero significance. Every day feels like a dance to avoid confronting this knowledge. But often, too often, I catch its eye.

Trying to delude myself into thinking it's not true has, of course, failed. A narrowing of scope can help sometimes: thinking globally rather than universally, then locally rather than globally. But I think relief can only be found by escaping its orbit and returning to ignorance.

The void has its uses. I think attempting to fill it motivates higher levels of human behavior. The pursuit of wealth, power, and fame. The advancement of science, the conviction of religion, and the compulsion of consumerism.

I don't think I'll ever make my peace with it, but I'll keep trying to exploit it as an engine.

The void is what built this world. Through the torment of those unfortunate enough to acknowledge it.